Thursday, February 20, 2014


Today is the 20th anniversary of the day MJ and I got married. The kids and I are doing our best, despite walking around in a fog. Lots of paperwork to complete. 

We've begun planning the memorial celebration - and I use the word celebration because MJ asked me to.  Unfortunately, the memorial has reached room capacity, so we are not able to accept any more RSVP's.  A video of the event, however, will be available. Details will be posted here.

Several of our friends have asked me to set up an educational fund for our children Sam and Zoë.  If you would like to donate, please follow this link

Thank you.


Saturday, February 15, 2014


M.J. Tocci 1953-2014
Memorial Celebration will be held Sunday April 6th at 10am at CMU.

Thursday, February 13, 2014

Last days.

MJ is hanging in there. These are our last days with her....and she remains amazing. What more can you ask?

Tuesday, February 11, 2014


Yesterday MJ moved to the inpatient hospice...drifting in and out, surrounded by loving family. We don't know how long this phase will last, but here's what we do know:

she's comfortable
she's surrounded by people who love her deeply
she will be mourned by many


her Negotiation Academy will go on, in very capable hands.

We are planning a memorial around the end of March. It will take place in Pittsburgh, at a location to be determined. Details will be forthcoming on this blog.

We are collating thoughts and feelings about MJ and her life, to be bound for Sam, Zoë and whomever else is interested. If you would like to contribute, feel free to use this blog, or contact our good friend Sara Laschever who will compile a book. 

You can reach Sara at sklasch@gmail.com or by phone at 617-899-3754.

Wednesday, February 5, 2014

Accessorizing for hospice...

As of this week, we are officially in home hospice. Chemo is done (didn't help), IV nutrition is done (too hard on the liver) and we are settling in for some cozy time together (nice to do in this weather). The Belmont Tocci's are trekking across the storm laden Northeast to help us celebrate...and celebrate we will. Karen and Ann, two close buds from the Alameda District Attorneys Office, are also here to help with the festivities. More visitors to come.

We'll take one day at a time because.....well, because that's what there is.

Sunday, February 2, 2014

Its a Bird....Its a Plane......

Looks like life is always throws new twists and turns and we never know quite how we will land. Eventually we know we will, and the difference between a hard landing and a soft landing might just be who is there to catch you.
We have all had catchers in our lives, and many have had the opportunity to accept MJ’s arms to assist and help us thru challenging times. And we will reach out to give from whom we have received.
 We went to Joeys swim meet yesterday at Connecticut College. He dedicated his diving to his Aunt MJ, and won both events. Not sure how MJ arranged this, but no other divers showed up.
Grandma and Patty Blair came over to see Joey dive, and we had a good (while brief) visit. They talked about how great it was to see / reconnect with MJ last summer when she was in NY and we stayed at Patti’s rental house on Fire Island with the Blair’s for a couple of days.  They very much enjoyed your company.

Belmont Tocci’s on the way to Pittsburgh next week. Shall we bring a deck of cards?????